


Call Me Maybe

by DRHPaints



Series: Kinky Bill One Shots [9]
Category: American (US) Actor RPF, Bill Hader - Fandom, Bill Hader RPF, US Comedians RPF
Genre: Bill Hader - Freeform, Breathplay, Choking, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, FTM, M/M, One Shot, Other, Smut, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transmasculine, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, slut kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:41:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26164300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DRHPaints/pseuds/DRHPaints
Summary: Bill and his transmasculine lover Elliot are in bed together when Bill gets an important phone call. Somehow, Bill finds a way to multitask.Inspired by and written for phantomofthegallifreyanopera
Relationships: Bill Hader/Original Trans Character
Series: Kinky Bill One Shots [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877902
Kudos: 8





	Call Me Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> TW/CW: The original transmasculine character of Elliot is Assigned Female at Birth. In reference to his genitalia, I use the word ‘clitoris.’ Please use your own judgement if you think this might be too dysphoria-inducing for you.
> 
> And yes, the title is from the Carly Rae Jepsen song. Sue me, it’s a bop and I can’t stop listening to it.

Flipping the page, Elliot was about to find out where the murderer hid the bodies when Bill strolled in.

“Hey honey.” Marking his spot with his thumb, Elliot pushed himself up on the couch. “How was your day?”

Pulling off his hoodie and hanging it in the closet, Bill shrugged. “Oh, pretty decent. Mostly just Alec and I storyboarding.” Bill flopped next to him on the couch, rubbing a large hand over Elliot’s thigh. “How about yours?”

“Did some writing, some cleaning. Then just laid around reading for most of the afternoon.” 

Reaching over, Bill pinched his ass. “No fair. You get to spend your day lazing around with a book and I have to go out in the world and deal with  _ people _ .” Bill made an exaggerated disgusted face and shuddered. 

Elliot chuckled. “And whose fault is that?” He pushed one of Bill’s thick thighs with his toe. “You’re the one out there being a  _ star. _ ” Framing his face with jazz hands, Elliot batted his eyes dramatically.

Pressing his lips together, Bill shook his head. “How  _ dare _ you.” He giggled. 

“Oh, I’m  _ sorry. _ ” Elliot brought a hand to his chest, scooting toward Bill. “Did I offend your fragile Hollywood sensibilities? Should I be discussing this with your  _ agent? _ ”

Bill narrowed his slightly uneven eyes. “Oh you’re gonna fucking  _ get it _ now.” 

Pouncing on Elliot, Bill wrestled the smaller man back on the couch. Yelping and laughing, Elliot tried to fight him off, but it was hopeless as Bill’s strong arms pinned him down, his weight settling on top of him, rendering Elliot motionless.

Peering down at him with his stormy blue eyes, Bill smirked. “Not so funny now, are you?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Elliot spread his legs, rolling his hips against Bill and grinning. “I still think I’m pretty funny.”

Face breaking into a crooked, goofy grin that exposed his rounded teeth, Bill closed his eyes and shook his head before dipping down to join his light pink lips with Elliot’s. Large hands abandoning his wrists, Bill held both sides of Elliot’s face as he tilted his head, tongue exploring his mouth as his erection thickened beneath his slacks.

“Mmm, I missed you today.” Bill hummed against his lips, starting to grind against him.

Elliot kissed along Bill’s sharp jawline. “Me too.” He was getting wet beneath his boxers as the curve of Bill’s thick cock dragged through him.

Sliding a hand up under Elliot’s shirt, Bill caressed his skin before parting and scanning his green eyes. “Bedroom?” Nodding, Elliot stood and they scurried down the hall, pulling their shirts overhead as they went. 

Falling backward on the bed, Elliot pulled Bill in after him, snaking a hand between them to unbutton Bill’s jeans and push them off his hips along with his boxers. Bill shrugged them off the rest of the way, sitting back on his heels and peeling off Elliot’s boxers. 

Crawling on top of Elliot, Bill swiveled his hips into him, reveling in how slick he was. “Mmm…” Raising his eyebrows, Bill pushed back Elliot’s hair before taking his lower lip between his teeth and tugging gently. “You want me to fuck you?”

Cupping Bill’s stubbled cheek, Elliot nodded. “Yes. Fuck me, Bill.”

Bill made his bold eyebrows dance and chuckled as he slid a hand between Elliot’s thighs, fingers spreading his lips and circling his clit with aching slowness. Kissing the sensitive skin below Elliot’s ear, Bill rubbed his turgid cock up and down on his thigh while applying steady pressure to his clit with every third stroke or so. Soft moans began to escape Elliot’s mouth and his fingers clung to Bill’s broad shoulders.

“Mmm...you like that?” Bill whispered, grazing Elliot’s skin with his teeth and speeding up the ministrations of his fingers. “You like the way I touch you?”

Panting, Elliot played with the tendrils of hair at the back of Bill’s neck. “I love it. I love it, Bill.” Working his hand down, Elliot encircled Bill’s cock, still enjoying after all this time how his fingers couldn’t close around its girth as he tugged him. 

Fighting to keep up with their kissing, Elliot was failing as Bill’s twiddling fingers spun him into oblivion, heels burrowing into the mattress, hips pumping into Bill’s hand, mouth agape as tremors radiated outward.

“ _ Oh Bill! Fuck! Fuck! I’m cumming! _ ” Elliot dug his nails into Bill’s back, gasping. Removing his fingers as Elliot continued to quiver, Bill sucked them into his mouth lasciviously, smirking. Taking his cock in hand, he rubbed the head against Elliot’s entrance.

“You want my cock inside you?” Bill peered down at him, expression oddly thoughtful as he blinked and tilted his head. 

Eyes heavy with lust, Elliot nodded. “Yes, Bill.  _ Fuck.  _ Please.” 

Smirking, Bill inched forward, closing his eyes and groaning. “ _ Fuck,  _ Elliot, you feel so fucking good.” He bit his lower lip as he sheathed himself to the hilt, gently rolling his hips. Thumb playing over Elliot’s clit, Bill began undulating forth, Elliot’s pelvis circling to meet him as their tongues knit together. 

Guiding Bill by his small love handles, which Bill griped about but Elliot adored, Elliot’s head was pressed back into the pillow in ecstasy, just beginning to flutter around his thrusting cock when Bill’s phone jumped on the bedside stand, ringing and vibrating.

“Oh shit!” Removing his hand from the side of Elliot’s face, Bill scrambled to pick it up and looked at the screen. “Fuck, I’ve been waiting for this call for days. Sorry.” He swiped the bar to answer. “Hello?”

Elliot gasped in exasperation. “Bill, what the fu—“ But Bill’s other sizable hand clamped down over his mouth, silencing him. Furrowing his eyebrows, Elliot tried to pry away Bill’s fingers, but above him a dangerous look crept into Bill’s eye as he turned his head slightly, glaring down at Elliot and flaring his nostrils, using the hand clamped over Elliot’s face to shake him violently.

“Yes, this is Bill Hader.” He continued with the call. Tossing his hands up in resignation, Elliot figured he’d lay there and wait it out with Bill inside of him, staring at the ceiling. 

Then Bill’s dark blue eyes seemed to examine his face as he spoke to the caller. “Oh really? That’s great. Tell me more about that.” Folding his lower lip under, Bill tilted his chin up, then Elliot felt him use his knees to spread his legs a little wider. 

And suddenly Bill was burying his cock inside him again.  _ What the fuck? _ Elliot looked up to him in a panic as the familiar slow smirk that could be so enticing yet so infuriating spread across Bill’s face. “Uh huh, that sounds like a real honor.” Bill replied as he angled his hips upward, beginning to ram into the bundle of nerves and soft tissue that made Elliot seize and scream like a man in need of an exorcism. 

“Rad. And you’ll email me any details about the event?” Unsure how Bill was maintaining his composure to continue speaking clearly, Elliot constricted around him, back arching, breath hot and moist against the inside of Bill’s fingers as he writhed helplessly underneath him. 

Pursing his light pink lips in self-satisfaction, Bill nodded to the unseen caller. “Awesome, thank you so much. Yeah, you too. Have a nice day. Thank you.” Releasing his grip, Elliot narrowed his eyes at Bill. “What. The.  _ Fuck,  _ Bill?” He huffed. “You have the audacity to take a phone call while we’re in bed together, and then on top of that, you  _ keep on fucking me? _ ”

Giggling raucously, Bill combed back Elliot’s sweaty hair. “Aw, come on. I made you cum, didn’t I? What’re you complaining about?” Bill ran his tongue over his teeth. “Plus, that was important. Just found out I got the Emmy nomination for  _ Barry _ again.”

Elliot scoffed. “You think I  _ care _ about that, Bill? When we’re fucking, it should be just us, you shouldn’t even have your phone on, how—“ Fingers vice-like over his mouth once more, Bill grinned wickedly as Elliot’s eye twitched in frustration. 

“You talk too much, you know that?” Bill teased, brushing a kiss to his collarbone. “Maybe I should do something about that…” Other hand tiptoeing up Elliot’s chest, Bill loosely circled his neck with his fingers and released his mouth. Bending down, he took Elliot’s earlobe between his teeth. “You want me to choke you, don’t you?  _ Huh _ ?”

Shivering, Elliot nodded, rutting against him shamelessly. “Yeah, Bill.  _ Choke me _ .”

Exhaling on his neck, Bill surged his hips forward, replacing his fiddling thumb over Elliot’s clit as his fingers drew tight about his throat. “Yeah, you love it, don’t you? You know you deserve to be punished. You know you need to be kept quiet, don’t you?  _ Naughty slut. _ ” 

Pinching the two spots where Elliot’s jawline met his neck, Elliot squeaked out. “ _ Yes. _ ” Tightening his grip, Bill stared into Elliot’s emerald eyes, clenching his jaw and hammering into him as he fingered his clit.

”Yeah you fucking like that, don’t you?  _ Don’t you, you dirty little slut? _ ” Bill growled with eyes aflame, Elliot’s desire dripping down his throbbing cock as he lifted a knee to get more traction. “ _ You gonna cum for me? Am I gonna make you cum again? Cum on my cock! Cum for me! I know you love my cock! Cum on my cock, you slut! _ ”

Wheezing in ecstasy, Elliot’s nails carved jagged canals in Bill’s flesh as his eyes rolled back in his head and his face grew red. Lifting his hand, Bill rested his forehead against Elliot’s as he gasped for air, laying flat on top of him and hooking his arms under his shoulders to pull him flush against his chest.

Slamming forward, Bill panted into the skin of Elliot’s neck. “ _ Ell, fuck! Fuck! I’m gonna cum! I love you! Fuck! FUCK! _ ” Hips juddering, Bill strained with a high, keening whine, pulsing inside of Elliot before allowing the weight of his body to settle on top of him.

Petting through Bill’s chestnut waves, Elliot kissed Bill’s stubbled jawline as his firm chest heaved on top of him. Pushing himself up, Bill smiled before rolling off and tucking Elliot under an arm. 

Playing with Bill’s smattering of dark chest hair, Elliot tipped up his head. “I really am proud of you, you know. About the nomination, I mean. You deserve every bit of it, Bill.” Elliot polished one of his prominent cheekbones. “I just like teasing you.”

Silly grin looking down at him, Bill carded his fingers through Elliot’s hair. “I know.” Their lips touched delicately and Bill raised his dark eyebrows. “Obviously I like to have a bit of fun with you, too, from time to time.” Bill pinched Elliot’s ass, provoking a squeal. Laughing, they curled up, comfortable and satisfied.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read! If you enjoyed this story, please leave a comment or come say hi on tumblr at fandomtransmandom


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